A Parent’s Guide to the YouTube Black Hole.
Have you ever played the game Apples to Apples? It’s a party card game where players match noun cards with an adjective card. A judge determines best match, and that player wins the round. The game set comes with a few blank write-your-own noun cards. My family created a black hole card. Anytime someone played the black hole card, they won the round. No matter what. Black holes eat everything else and there is no dispute. They are all powerful.
When it comes to child safety online, it feels like a black hole. Endless content streams on algorithm-based platforms have a way of sucking you in. This is why I have a rapidly growing aversion to social media platforms that depend on algorithms to feed content to their users. Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube and similar platforms use the “endless content” feature to spoon an eternal supply of dopamine. The algorithms read and learn our viewing habits––our search terms, our emoticon reactions and comments…even how long we linger on certain posts. This data mine is then used to curate individualized content streams, which make targeted messaging a wedding band between streaming platforms and advertising agencies.
If you’ve ever re-shared one of those, “I do not give Facebook permission to use my photos” posts, I’m sorry to say, Facebook is not the product––you are. If you don’t want Facebook to invade your privacy, then stop giving your privacy away. The best way, maybe the only way to do that, is to delete your profile and never look back.
Today, my particular beef is with YouTube and my daughter, who has ADHD.
Did you know that 1 in 9 kids living in the United States has an ADHD diagnosis? I suspect the actual number of children navigating ADD and ADHD is much higher. According to Gallup Research, the U.S. fertility rate is 1.6 births per woman. That means ADHD is not some rare, distant diagnosis. At 1 in 9 children, nearly every school, church, neighborhood and extended family cluster in America is connected to a child with ADD/ADHD. And if the real number is closer to 2 in 9 kids, which may be more realistic, then almost every family cluster in America has a child navigating some version of this reality.
But what is ADHD?
Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder is a common neurodevelopmental disorder. It affects how the brain develops and impacts executive functioning—the skills needed to plan, focus attention, remember instructions and manage emotions. In the brain, dopamine is the chemical messenger that impacts motivation, alertness and focus. An imbalance or lower levels of dopamine can be very similar to erectile dysfunction. The desire may be there, the intention may be there, the stakes may be obvious, but the “activation system” doesn’t always respond when you need it to. ADHD is not a lack of horsepower. It’s an unreliable ignition. The engine can run, sometimes beautifully, but the spark that starts it doesn’t always fire on command.
Children with ADHD have under-stimulated brains with lower baseline dopamine. YouTube, similar to other platforms with eternal scrolling, provides instant gratification, causing spikes in dopamine. This makes the platform highly addictive for ADHD brains, creating a “dopamine trap” where kids constantly crave screen time over less stimulating daily tasks. It’s a temporary fix to the faulty ignition. Are there parental controls that allow limits and prevent content traps? Yes. Is that helpful for a child with a faulty ignition? No. Does it prevent YouTube from collecting information on your child? Also, no.
My daughter knows this about herself. She doesn’t like how easy it is to get lost in a binge of mindless drivel. So, she asked me for help. What we came up with together can be helpful for anyone, regardless of diagnosis or age.
Here are four good-to-knows and five rules for browsing YouTube:
Good-To-Know
The algorithm is designed to recommend content based on your viewing data.
YouTube uses that data to keep you scrolling for as long as possible, by spiking the dopamine in your brain. Why? So they can show you as many advertisements as possible.
YouTube makes money by selling airtime to advertisers using your data. It’s called “targeted advertising,” which allows advertisers to target you based on your viewing habits.
YouTube is owned by Google, which is owned by Alphabet, which sells $265 billion in ads every year, making it the largest digital advertising network in the world. In other words, you are the product.
Rules for Browsing
1. Visit YouTube with a plan or specific content in mind. Like going to the grocery store with a list instead of an appetite.
Not: “I’m going to watch YouTube.” That’s too open-ended and plumps you for slaughter. The algorithm salivates at the opportunity.
Better: “I’m going to watch a video about how to knit a hat.”
Metaphorically speaking, the moment you veer into the cookie aisle is the moment you leave the store.
2. Set a timer so you don’t get lost in a content black hole.
3. Tell a parent or accountability partner if the algorithm is recommending inappropriate or otherwise unwanted content. Reset the algorithm by clearing your YouTube search history, unsubscribing from bad-acting channels and aggressively using the “Not interested” and “Don’t recommend channel” options on your YouTube homepage.
4. Avoid watching by yourself. Keep the door open.
5. Aim for YouTube to make you better at something at least half the time. It’s an excellent tool for education and learning how to do things. I’ve learned all kinds of things on YouTube. Accessing content on YouTube can add value to your life. But there’s a difference between a value-add and a value-ad. Pursue the former, avoid the latter.
The first time we put these parameters to the test, my daughter ignored her time-limit alarm and still couldn’t escape the black hole. Dopamine is a powerful drug.
Federal age restrictions on social media would be helpful. Under current law, federal parental consent protections are strongest for children under 13, which leaves kids 13 and older in a murkier and more vulnerable space. What’s legal and what’s moral are two very different conversations.
After we figure that one out, maybe we can tackle kids and e-bikes next.